Self esteem for children with Dyslexia
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September 8, 2023
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July 10, 2024
The Merriam – Webster dictionary mentions that self-esteem is ‘confidence and satisfaction in oneself: self-respect.’ Children with dyslexia are particularly susceptible to low self esteem because their learning challenges mean they struggle to succeed no matter how hard they try.
It is essential to help children with dyslexia, with their self esteem.
Dr, Michael Ryan, a psychologist in the US who specialises in working with learning-disabled people, points out that the problem a child with dyslexia faces is their repeated failures mean, they see themselves far from their ‘ideal self.’
If children meet failure and frustration, they learn that they are inferior to others and that their efforts make very little difference. Instead of feeling powerful and productive, they learn that their environment acts upon them. They feel powerless and incompetent.
A common sign of self-esteem in these children is that they say negative things about themselves and focus on their weakness instead of their strengths. Guilt is easy to fix. If you feel guilty, you can attempt to put whatever you have done right, say sorry, and move on. Shame is feeling bad about who you are. It’s more challenging to remove these feelings.
In TEDx talk, author Ben Foss compares a child with dyslexia to a caterpillar.
Kids with dyslexia are like monarch butterfly caterpillars. The trouble is, they eat only swan plants and must munch through a tremendous number before they pupate. However, 90% of caterpillars fail to find enough swan plants or are picked up by predators before they can transform. The swan plant for the child with dyslexia is encouragement.
Perfectionism Is A Common Problem
A coping mechanism for shame is perfectionism, where a child with dyslexia is terrified of making mistakes.
Michael Ryan, in his article about social and emotional problems related to dyslexia, states : “ Children between the ages of six and sixteen ask themselves, ‘Am I lovable, capable, competent ? …Research suggests that feelings of inferiority develop by age 10. After this age, it becomes extremely difficult to help a child develop a positive self image.
He found that 20% of people with dyslexia suffer from depression, and another 20% suffer from an anxiety disorder.
Dyslexics frustration often centres on their inability to meet expectations… this is particularly true of those who develop perfectionist expectations to deal with their anxiety. They grow up believing that making a mistake is ‘terrible’. However, their learning disability, almost by definition, means that these children will make many ‘careless’ or ‘stupid’ mistakes. This is extremely frustrating to them, as it makes them feel constantly inadequate.
Anxiety And Depression In Children With Dyslexia
Dyslexics are often described as big picture people, which roughly translates as ‘we’re rubbish at detail.’ Neurologist Samuel Orton was one of the first people to document the emotional aspects of dyslexia. He noticed that most children with dyslexia are happy and well-adjusted until they hit difficulties with learning to read and write. In time, their frustration mounts as their classmates and siblings overtake them.
HOW WOULD YOU BOOST YOUR CHILD’S SELF ESTEEM :
1) Early intervention is essential to help your child overcome their dyslexia. Dyslexia does not resolve without intervention. Be proactive and seek the learning support your child needs.
2) Encourage them at every step. Remember to praise their efforts rather than the results when they try new things. The word ‘yet’ can be very powerful. Say, ‘You can’t do it yet, but keep trying.'
3) Help to pick them up when they fail yet again. Never belittle your child or call them lazy. Kids with dyslexia have to work so much harder than others, which is exhausting. Let mistakes be positive learning experience. Share stories of when you failed, and teach them that failure is a necessary part of life.
4) Guide them towards activities where they can demonstrate competence and help them set appropriate goals. Make sure they are not setting themselves up for failure. Every small achievable goal will boost their self esteem. For example, if they want to learn an instrument, encourage their practice, no matter how bad they initially sound.
5) Shower them with unconditional love. Kids with dyslexia are super sensitive, just like those squishy little caterpillars, they are easily crushed. Find their love language and use it regularly.
6) Be a good role model. Don’t make jokes about yourself or call yourself names. Kids learn so much from watching their parents. Boosting your own self esteem will have a positive knock on effect on the whole family.
Do you have any suggestions to boost self esteem of your child with dyslexia ?
Dyslexics are often described as big-picture people, which roughly translates as ‘we’re rubbish at detail’. Neurologist Samuel Orton was one of the first people to document the emotional aspects of dyslexia. He noticed that most children with dyslexia are happy and well-adjusted until they hit difficulties with learning to read and write. In time, their frustration mounts as their classmates and siblings overtake them.
As Michael Ryan puts it: ‘Anxiety is the most frequent emotional symptom reported by adults with dyslexia. . Dyslexics feel fearful because of their constant frustration and confusion in school. These feelings are aggravated by the inconsistencies of dyslexia. Because they cannot anticipate failure, entering new situations becomes anxiety-provoking. Anxiety causes humans to avoid whatever frightens them…many teachers and parents misinterpret this avoidance as laziness. In fact, the dyslexic’s hesitancy to participate in school activities such as homework is related more to anxiety and confusion than to apathy. Social scientists have frequently observed that frustration produces anger.’
Anxiety is a natural state for many people with dyslexia. Having to stand up in front of the class and give a speech, even when they have an excellent talk prepared, may turn a child with dyslexia into a gibbering wreck. It is normal for heightened levels of anxiety to be based on specific events. Persistent anxiety, however, is not based on one-off events.
In a child, persistent anxiety may present as:
• Trouble falling asleep
• Fear of being alone
• Picking at skin
• Nail biting
• Strong startle response
• Being overly self-critical
• OCD-like behaviours (e.g. checking and rechecking the door to make sure it is locked or being obsessive about arranging objects ‘just so’)
• Suddenly avoiding social contact
• Frequent urination
If you recognise your child in the above list, you may need to talk to a doctor about your child trying anti-anxiety medication or consider trying a natural anti-anxiety supplement.
Don’t make jokes about yourself or call yourself names. Kids learn so much from watching their parents. Boosting your own self-esteem will have a positive knock-on effect on the whole family.
Dr, Michael Ryan, a psychologist in the US who specialises in working with learning-disabled people, points out that the problem a child with dyslexia faces is their repeated failures mean, they see themselves far from their ‘ideal self.’
If children meet failure and frustration, they learn that they are inferior to others and that their efforts make very little difference. Instead of feeling powerful and productive, they learn that their environment acts upon them. They feel powerless and incompetent.
A common sign of self-esteem in these children is that they say negative things about themselves and focus on their weakness instead of their strengths. Guilt is easy to fix. If you feel guilty, you can attempt to put whatever you have done right, say sorry, and move on. Shame is feeling bad about who you are. It’s more challenging to remove these feelings.
In TEDx talk, author Ben Foss compares a child with dyslexia to a caterpillar.
Kids with dyslexia are like monarch butterfly caterpillars. The trouble is, they eat only swan plants and must munch through a tremendous number before they pupate. However, 90% of caterpillars fail to find enough swan plants or are picked up by predators before they can transform. The swan plant for the child with dyslexia is encouragement.
Perfectionism Is A Common Problem
A coping mechanism for shame is perfectionism, where a child with dyslexia is terrified of making mistakes.
Michael Ryan, in his article about social and emotional problems related to dyslexia, states : “ Children between the ages of six and sixteen ask themselves, ‘Am I lovable, capable, competent ? …Research suggests that feelings of inferiority develop by age 10. After this age, it becomes extremely difficult to help a child develop a positive self image.
He found that 20% of people with dyslexia suffer from depression, and another 20% suffer from an anxiety disorder.
Dyslexics frustration often centres on their inability to meet expectations… this is particularly true of those who develop perfectionist expectations to deal with their anxiety. They grow up believing that making a mistake is ‘terrible’. However, their learning disability, almost by definition, means that these children will make many ‘careless’ or ‘stupid’ mistakes. This is extremely frustrating to them, as it makes them feel constantly inadequate.
Anxiety And Depression In Children With Dyslexia
Dyslexics are often described as big picture people, which roughly translates as ‘we’re rubbish at detail.’ Neurologist Samuel Orton was one of the first people to document the emotional aspects of dyslexia. He noticed that most children with dyslexia are happy and well-adjusted until they hit difficulties with learning to read and write. In time, their frustration mounts as their classmates and siblings overtake them.
HOW WOULD YOU BOOST YOUR CHILD’S SELF ESTEEM :
1) Early intervention is essential to help your child overcome their dyslexia. Dyslexia does not resolve without intervention. Be proactive and seek the learning support your child needs.
2) Encourage them at every step. Remember to praise their efforts rather than the results when they try new things. The word ‘yet’ can be very powerful. Say, ‘You can’t do it yet, but keep trying.'
3) Help to pick them up when they fail yet again. Never belittle your child or call them lazy. Kids with dyslexia have to work so much harder than others, which is exhausting. Let mistakes be positive learning experience. Share stories of when you failed, and teach them that failure is a necessary part of life.
4) Guide them towards activities where they can demonstrate competence and help them set appropriate goals. Make sure they are not setting themselves up for failure. Every small achievable goal will boost their self esteem. For example, if they want to learn an instrument, encourage their practice, no matter how bad they initially sound.
5) Shower them with unconditional love. Kids with dyslexia are super sensitive, just like those squishy little caterpillars, they are easily crushed. Find their love language and use it regularly.
6) Be a good role model. Don’t make jokes about yourself or call yourself names. Kids learn so much from watching their parents. Boosting your own self esteem will have a positive knock on effect on the whole family.
Do you have any suggestions to boost self esteem of your child with dyslexia ?
Dyslexics are often described as big-picture people, which roughly translates as ‘we’re rubbish at detail’. Neurologist Samuel Orton was one of the first people to document the emotional aspects of dyslexia. He noticed that most children with dyslexia are happy and well-adjusted until they hit difficulties with learning to read and write. In time, their frustration mounts as their classmates and siblings overtake them.
As Michael Ryan puts it: ‘Anxiety is the most frequent emotional symptom reported by adults with dyslexia. . Dyslexics feel fearful because of their constant frustration and confusion in school. These feelings are aggravated by the inconsistencies of dyslexia. Because they cannot anticipate failure, entering new situations becomes anxiety-provoking. Anxiety causes humans to avoid whatever frightens them…many teachers and parents misinterpret this avoidance as laziness. In fact, the dyslexic’s hesitancy to participate in school activities such as homework is related more to anxiety and confusion than to apathy. Social scientists have frequently observed that frustration produces anger.’
Anxiety is a natural state for many people with dyslexia. Having to stand up in front of the class and give a speech, even when they have an excellent talk prepared, may turn a child with dyslexia into a gibbering wreck. It is normal for heightened levels of anxiety to be based on specific events. Persistent anxiety, however, is not based on one-off events.
In a child, persistent anxiety may present as:
• Trouble falling asleep
• Fear of being alone
• Picking at skin
• Nail biting
• Strong startle response
• Being overly self-critical
• OCD-like behaviours (e.g. checking and rechecking the door to make sure it is locked or being obsessive about arranging objects ‘just so’)
• Suddenly avoiding social contact
• Frequent urination
If you recognise your child in the above list, you may need to talk to a doctor about your child trying anti-anxiety medication or consider trying a natural anti-anxiety supplement.
Don’t make jokes about yourself or call yourself names. Kids learn so much from watching their parents. Boosting your own self-esteem will have a positive knock-on effect on the whole family.
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Contact Alpana Saraf, Special Educator at contact@livingwithdyslexia.in
